Solomon’s Paradox
Why You Need Relationships If You Want Wisdom
If there’s any characteristic that you must have in order to create an amazing future, it’s wisdom.
However, there’s a problem that humans face with wisdom.
French 17th century moralist and writer François de La Rochefoucauld said, “It is easier to be wise for other people than for yourself.”
Psychological circles call this phenomenon “Solomon’s Paradox.”
The title refers to King Solomon, the biblical character who reigned as king of Israel. Solomon was renowned in world history for his wisdom, yet failed to employ it for his own good, as foolish choices led to both his and his nation’s demise.
Writer Rob Henderson explains Solomon’s Paradox, saying, “The reason seems to be that we have more distance from other people’s problems than our own, which allows us to be more impartial. A recent meta-analysis found that over the world, people reason more wisely about other people’s social problems than they do about their own.”
As you read this, it might feel discouraging to you.
But that’s only if you’re going through life alone.
In today’s newsletter, I’m going to explain how you can use Solomon’s Paradox together with relationships to help you make wise choices in life that will have a generational effect.
So, you’re not that wise when it comes to dealing with your own problems.
Why is that?
Well, it’s because you’re often blinded by your own emotions, your zoomed-in perspective, or your perception of whatever problem you’re facing.
It happens to everyone.
Something pops up that you didn’t expect, and you just react instead of pre-deciding.
You start to catastrophize and think worst-case scenario.
Then, before you know it, you’ve lost all ability to make a rational and wise decision.
Of course, it’s important to have self-control in life.
It’s critical to manage your emotions and maintain a healthy perspective.
But, there’s some things you just can’t prepare yourself for in life.
With that in mind, you will have times when you fall victim to challenging circumstances.
But, you don’t have to approach them without wisdom, even if you find yourself lacking it in the moment.
How?
You can surround yourself with wise people whom you have true relationship with so that you float, instead of sink, in the seas of suffering.
True relationship allows others to know your weaknesses and see your blind spots.
True relationship allows others to speak into what they see with honesty.
True relationship allows others to care about your greatest good, so that they can give you wisdom.
True relationship allows you to utilize Solomon’s Paradox in your favor, instead of against you.
If you don’t have true relationship, start by making a list of people you know and admire for their wisdom, character, and life choices.
I did this for the first time many years ago.
Ask them to grab coffee or a meal. Let them know that you look up to them and that you’re struggling.
You can’t get wisdom unless you ask for help, so ask! Be 100% honest and open about your situation. Tell the truth and seek their perspective with humility - they might see something that you can’t.
If they speak hard truth to you in love, you must receive it, no matter how much it may hurt in the moment. Otherwise, you’ll stay where you were.
I first decided to do this when the real estate crash happened. Just sitting down and taking the time to talk through it with someone else helped me see it from a different perspective.
I asked Bill Grier to get coffee, and he walked through everything with me. He gave me incredible wisdom that helped me identify issues, lay out a plan. I feel overwhelmed by his generosity to this day, and so appreciate him sharing his time, wisdom, and heart with me. Thank you, Bill!