Life has a knack of turning out different than we imagine.
It’s a tale as old as time. We make plans. We make predictions. We dream big dreams. We imagine an ideal, or even a “realistic” future. But what happens?
Things tend to play out in a non-ideal fashion. Our plans don’t come to fruition. Our predictions miss the mark. Our dreams shatter. Our future arrives and leaves us wanting.
You see, it’s not a matter of if you’re going to find yourself picking up the pieces in your lifetime, but when. In today’s YOU Not Me Letter, I will teach you what to do when your dreams shatter.
Coming soon, I am starting a free weekly call for anyone interested in going through my book the YOU Not Me Mindset.
To say thank you to all of you who subscribe to The YOU Not Me Letter, I am opening up early registration to the call.
If you would like to be a part of the call, send me a message on Instagram or Linked In, or send me an email at chris@younotme.com. I will be in touch and then send a Zoom invitation to your email.
You do not have to own the book to be a part of the call - come as you are! I hope that this will be interactive and that everyone can participate. I will leave lots of time for questions and reflections so that we can all encourage and build each other up! I will go through one chapter a week and hit all of the main points. Of course, if you have the book and have read it, it will only make the conversation better!
Accepting the Reality
Before you can know what to do, or even start to pick up the pieces, you have to acknowledge and accept that your dreams have shattered.
Of course, there are times to press on towards a goal, but that’s not what I’m talking about today.
There’s wisdom in stepping back and knowing when you have come to the end of the road. As much as it hurts, you have to choose to turn around or pivot and go in a different direction in life.
Sure, you can sit and wait. You can do nothing. You can continue to do the same thing over and over and get the same results. But that’s just a lack of wisdom and humility.
Sometimes it’s not a matter of how hard you work. That theory has limitations. There’s some things that you just can’t and won’t overcome.
It seems like an obvious thing, but it’s not at all a given for a lot of people. Some people continue to refuse to accept the reality and admit that their dream has come to an end or that their plans didn’t come to fruition.
In their stubbornness or even sorrow, they continue to put their foot on the gas and press on, but they’re going in the wrong direction. There’s no fruit and no gain that will come from delaying the inevitable - it’s time to head in a new direction.
Postponing the decision to accept the reality of the situation will only lead to pain and frustration that could have been avoided with a bit of wisdom and humility.
Even though it’s difficult to do so, sometimes you have to rip the Band-Aid off and admit that the past season has come to a close and that it’s time to find a new dream and cast a new vision.
Facing the Reality
Once you have accepted the reality, it’s time to face it. You’re right where you find yourself, right now.
You lost your dream job. Your athletic career came to a surprising and screeching halt. Your perfect plan went up in smoke. Face it and examine your emotions.
Start small - how does the situation make you feel? Don’t sweep anything under the rug. Instead, lift the hood and get to the heart of the dream, plan, or hope that you had.
Why did losing it make you sad? Why do you feel the weight of disappointment? What would it have given you that you wanted so bad? Was it essential?
Finding the root of your emotions will help you answer a lot of questions around your identity, hopes, and joy in life. In turn, those answers will show you the way forward from where you find yourself now.
You’re picking up the pieces, sure, but you might discover some things that you can use to create something amazing for the future, even if it looks broken and beyond repair at the moment.
You may find something you enjoy even more that ends up being a better fit for your giftings. In the midst of the ashes of your old dream or goal lies more potential for joy and excitement than you ever imagined!
Many of the greatest leaders and coaches were something from failures to good in their previous business endeavor or sport, but they possessed an exceptional, game-changing intellect that not only allowed them to take their people and team to a new level, but even to transform their industry and sport as a whole!
Embracing the Reality
Author, podcast host, and former Navy SEAL Jocko Willink has a perspective on dealing with failure and setbacks that I appreciate.
Willink says, “I actually have a fairly simple way of dealing with these situations, summed up in one word: “Good.”"
Willink explains that he once told someone under his charge, “When things are going bad, there’s going to be some good that will come from it.
Oh, the mission got canceled? Good…We can focus on another one.
Didn’t get the new high-speed gear we wanted? Good…We can keep it simple.
Didn’t get promoted? Good…More time to get better.
Didn’t get funded? Good…We own more of the company.
Didn’t get the job you wanted? Good…Go out, gain more experience, and build a better resume.
Got injured? Good…Needed a break from training.
Got beat? Good…We learned.
Unexpected problems? Good…We have to figure out a solution.
Willink answers a number of expected criticisms of this mindset and says that he doesn’t ignore the hard truth or think that a positive attitude will automatically solve problems. Rather, he says, “Neither will dwelling on the problem. No. Accept reality, but focus on the solution. Take that issue, take that setback, take that problem, and turn it into something good. Go forward. And, if you are part of a team, that attitude will spread throughout.”
The person who can say, “Good,” even on their worst day testifies to the fact that they have an identity, a hope, and a joy beyond their dreams, plans, and circumstances. Even when their nightmare comes true, they can pick up the pieces and make something beautiful out of the mess.
They can embrace any and every reality that comes their way, because they have embraced some other reality that keeps them secure and content in any and every circumstance, which can never be taken away from them.
Do you have something like this?